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Girl Interrupted

Susanna from girl interrupted, "Declared healthy and sent back into the world. My final diagnosis: a recovered borderline. What that means I still don't know. Was I ever crazy? Maybe. Or maybe life is. . .Crazy isn't being broken or swallowing a dark secret it's you or me amplified. If you ever told a lie and enjoyed it. If you ever wished you could be a child forever. They were not perfect but they were my friends. . . ".

Watching this movie some years later makes me realize that I really do identify with a lot of it.
The people I met along the way became my friends.
The people I encountered have shaped me into the person that I am today.
I still meet different people that mold me into what they think I should be but ultimately it's my decision.
When she says that she was declared healthy, by all means she was.
But no one is mentally healthy unless they want to be.
In other words, everyone is crazy in their own way but we walk around thinking that everyone is mentally healthy.
We all have our own fetishes, fantasies, quirks, and craziness about us.
Some are deeper than others.
Some are socially unacceptable.
I would like to think of myself as a person who is very accepting of others and the choices that others make and the way they live their lives.
I'm not saying that I don't care but people should care about themselves first because no one else is going to care about you in the end but you.

What the fuck is going on!?

I contact this dude from a long long time ago.
Eight years ago to be exact.
Needless to say I found what was missing in my life.
He was missing.
I never thought of him as being my "Daddy" my "lover" my "boyfriend".
It wasn't like that.
He was my friend but as I have grown older I realize that he was very special to me.
He has a sickness that I can't talk about or write about.
But, I accept that as a part of him.
There aren't many people that accept other peoples sicknesses the way that I do.
Not only was he the ONLY one who understood me 10 years ago but I could call him day or night and he was there for me.
He would talk to me and help me with whatever I needed.
He always tried to make sure I was ok.
Shit happened in both of our lives. We lost contact.
But I found him and he refuses to let a part of himself feel.
Maybe it's fear of his sickness.
Maybe it's me, maybe I triggered his sickness.
I wish I had the answer for everything but I don't.
It's like one of those things that grips your heart and pulls at it.
It pulls just enough to make you hurt and tear a little.
Make it go away please?

Random Thought

When in a BDSM relationship: You can fuck your sub/slave till she's blue in the face and her pussy is sore as fuck over and over and over but if you make love to her passionately just once it is that one time that will stand out in her mind.

Pink is my favorite color

Pink is my favorite color.
It's so femenine and cute.
It makes you feel girly and fuzzy.
It makes you want to bake crazy pink cupcakes for someone special.
It makes you want to do something different that day.
Although most people will always see me wearing black on the outside, underneath there is pink.
And underneath that yet another swee pink layer of skin. 
I want pink sheets, a pink bathroom, a pink truck.
I want my pink truck to have a black interior, that would be so hot.
Even Aerosmith likes pink!
How could you go wrong there?


I think that inside every grown woman there is a little girl waiting to come out.
Maybe I should rephrase that.
Inside every submissive woman there is a little girl waiting to be found by a Daddy to take her away into places she has never found before.
Places where only a specific person could take her, not just anyone.
When she has found that one she feels safe and complete.
Like shes floating on a cloud between pain and pleasure.
With pain comes pleasure unless its for punishment.
I consider myself to have a high threshold for pain although I have much to learn and experience.
I have been told that I ramble and that it's a good thing but right now I'm feeling a loss of words through writing which is rare for me.
I like to write when I'm upset because when I'm done I have let out so much energy with my words it's amazing!!
I continue to struggle to figure out what a Dominant person gets out of a D/s relationship.
Maybe I will never understand it. Maybe I will.
I'll save my submissive entry till later.